When I met my boyfriend in high school, there were some things that I definitely knew. These things included:
- He was cute
- He was going to be very special to me for an undetermined amount of time
- He made me smile a lot
- I definitely had a crush on him
There were some things that I would come to learn when we started dating and got to know each other a little better, like:
- I have never been loved the way he loves me
- If he and I don't end up together in the long run, he will always be the standard that I will hold any future significant others to
- He is the love of my life and will continue to be in my life even if we don't work out
- I will never have to question his dedication and love for me
But there was one big thing that I didn't know, that I couldn't possibly have known until very recently:
- After four years of being in a long distance relationship because we went to school in two different states, I would return home only to learn that we'd be in a long distance relationship for even longer. Why? Because he made the decision to enlist in the Marine Corps, and the universe decided to play a mean joke and actually reversed the states that we were now in. (In college, I was in Virginia and he attended school in New Jersey. After he enlisted and graduated from basic training and I finished my undergraduate career in college, I returned home to New Jersey and he got stationed in Virginia).
Now, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I'd heard enough stories and spoken to enough people regarding dating/being in a relationship with a military man. I knew that it meant sacrificing some of the quality time together I'd just gotten used to getting again. I knew that sometimes it would mean he would randomly get called to do something last minute and even though neither of us would like it and would very likely be angry about it, there would be nothing we could do about it. I knew all of this going in, but I accepted this lot of life anyway, constantly reciting the mantra, Nothing good ever comes easy.
But lately, he's been called away for several late nights. He's been unable to talk to me as often because of all the work he has to do, and when he does finally get off work at 10:30 at night, he is usually too tired to talk to me anyway and we have a brief low-quality conversation before he goes to sleep. It's led to me getting irritable and taking out my frustration with the situation out on him. It's led to me very nearly deciding to end this relationship because this distance, this military career, this forced lack of communication, just wasn't worth the trouble. When I made a pros and cons list, the cons were easily outweighing the pros. I know nothing good ever comes easy, but did it have to come this hard?
Then I looked back at old photos. I re-read some old messages, letters, and cards he'd written me in the past. And I knew, without a doubt, that the guy in these pictures and wrote these words still loved me. The man hadn't changed; he was just in a job that forces him to be away from me for more time than either of us would like. He still tries very hard to make time for me. He still tries very hard to make me happy and finds little ways to make me smile. This is still the person I fell so deeply in love with so many years ago, and the person I'm still in love with today.
So for those of you out there who are in a similar situation, who find themselves wondering if being in a relationship with a military person in worth it, let me assure you that your s.o doesn't love you any less -- it's the job, not the man. The road is a hard and difficult one, but if the love is good and strong enough, the road is worth travelling. You can trust that this career is probably weighing heavy on your s.o's shoulders as well. I want to remind you to take a deep breath, and to put extra effort into nurturing the great relationship that you have. Being a military s.o is hard, but loving someone as fiercely as you do is worth trucking through this difficult patch.
Love and light to you all.
X
No comments:
Post a Comment