Emotional abuse is not a joke

Emotional abuse. That's a pretty heavy subject, wouldn't you agree? But it's a subject that's horribly underestimated.

When people hear the term emotional abuse, they instantly put it in the context of romantic relationships, like an emotionally abusive boyfriend or girlfriend who manipulates your emotions in order to get what they want from you. While this happens far too often for comfort, that's not the only application of emotional abuse. Friends can be emotionally abusive, too, but sometimes they're the harder ones to spot.

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship.

I'm not talking about the relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for four years and he is very emotionally supportive. Otherwise his ass would have been kicked to the curb four years ago. The relationship that I'm talking about is the one with my roommate.

It's a pretty parasitic relationship. I'm the host and she's the parasite. I can't say anything without it being turned against me. I can't have an opinion without having it deemed wrong. I can't have a bad day without hearing that hers has been worse. No matter what, I am always inferior to her in her eyes. And I kept accepting that fact because I kept convincing myself that I'm just over reacting and it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be. But the more time I spend with her, the more I realize that I've been lying and deceiving myself this whole time. I have put my mind and body through the emotionally draining experience of dealing with this person who seems to be unable to take my opinions and feelings into consideration for so long. My mind doesn't deserve that. My self-confidence doesn't deserve that. My body doesn't deserve that. I don't deserve that.

So here's a letter to my poor body and mind who have suffered because I mercilessly tortured it by allowing them to be abused by my roommate:

Dear mind/body/spirit:

I am sorry. I am sorry for putting you through suffering that no human being should go through. I am sorry for not taking care of you like I should have, like you deserve. I am sorry I didn't listen to you when the first warning signs of an emotionally manipulative relationship appeared. I am sorry I brushed your advice off when you were in pain and needed me to listen. 

I wish I could do something to make it up to you, but I understand that it's too late. I have dug you and me both into a hole so deep that there's no hope of crawling out. But if you will forgive me and help me, I'm willing to try. It's going to be difficult, but not impossible. I'll get dirt under my nails and reek of body odor mixed with earth, but in the end, we'll be out of the hole and out of this relationship. I'll just need some time -- a lot of it. I hope you'll understand. 

Dear mind, body, and spirit, I promise to make a conscious effort to take care of you and listen to you more often. I know you're broken right now, and you're heading to a place where it's going to be hard to get you back, and I know I deserve it because I haven't been kind to you. But please, just this once, listen to me: don't go there. It's a dark place and you've been there and it's scary. Once you go there, I don't know if I can get you back, and I need you. I need you because you have been so kind to me and I know you have had to put up with so much recently, but I have one request: give yourself time to heal. I'm going to try my best to give you time and energy to heal. I'm on your side; we're on the same team. 

Since you've been going through this terrible time, I've realized that I have been too generous. They say too much of a good thing is bad, and this is especially true with generosity. I'm going to try to be a little more selfish; I'm going to try to make some time for myself and not give it to anyone but me and you. I want to promise that I will definitely do it, but I can't because it's hard, but please don't be mad at me. I promise I'll try. I promise to bring as much positive energy and light to you as I can, but forgive me when I fail. I'm not hurting you on purpose; I'm just trying to help. Bear with me as I embark on this frighteningly new journey. 

Dear mind, body, and spirit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I have put you through. But I also thank you for taking in so much without complaint. I will try my very best to make it up to you. 

Much love, 

V. 

Emotional abuse is not a joke. I should have seen the signs coming sooner. I should have gotten out of the relationship while I still could. But it's not too late; it's never too late.