This is kinda a religious post. If you don't like it, don't read it.

It's funny how drama makes you think. I don't know about other people, but lately, I've been channeling this anger through writing and expending energy. Somehow, all this energy -- I can't tell if it's positive or negative -- has trickled into all aspects of my life, but especially my religious life.

Don't get me wrong. I have never been a particularly religious person. In fact, I only barely practice the religion that my parents have instilled in me when I was little. However, in light of recent events, I've been feeling like the only other place for me to turn was toward religion.

Let me say this now: I am a Buddhist, but in no way am I bound by that title. I don't know what kind of Buddhist I am. I cannot recite every single mantra ever to be created in the religion ever. I cannot name all the Dalai Lamas, nor do I have a personal connection to any of them. I just wanted to get those assumptions out of the way before I said anything else.

I'm starting to realize that what I like best about Buddhism is that I am neither required to believe in one authoritative higher being nor am I required to attend religious services. I believe that Buddha exists; I believe that with a deep devotion to meditation and kindness, one can reach nirvana, a state of pure bliss. What I like most about Buddhism is that it advocates peace with everyone, regardless of their religious background.

Some of the Buddhist quotes that I've started to adapt to my life are:

"Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to let other events or people control your emotions."

"Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

"We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us, and make us kinder. We always have that choice."

I go through a lot of phases; some superficial and shallow, others not so much, like this one. I sincerely hope this "phase" sticks for a very long time. It has helped me come to terms with the fact that, quite frankly, haters gonna hate.

Since when did 'unbiased' actually mean 'biased'?

I had a meeting with my roommate, RA, and head RA today. It was supposed to be a completely unbiased meeting, where my roommate and I would talk things out and discuss our conflicts in an effort to come to a compromise/resolution. I was willing to do that; what's a few tears here and there for a final compromise?


Apparently, my definition of bias and the others' definition of unbiased were two completely different things. The head RA was completely and totally sweet, offering advice and comments when she felt they were necessary. The other two, however, seemed to subtly team up against me. Whenever my soon-to-be-ex roommate would say something, my RA would jump in agree, and then continue to point out my flaws. During this meeting, I have been called:

A liar

Judgmental

Irrational

Unfair

Untrustworthy

My roommate? Well, the only things that were said against her were:

She is hard to live with.

That's it. I would have gladly been told that I was hard to live with over the pile of insults that I was handed instead.

I will admit that I am an emotional mess right now. However, I'm working on that. I came across a Buddhist saying earlier today, and it really struck a chord with me.

From now on, I will try to live by it. Until I have successfully done so, I will continue to fake smiles and friendships so that I can avoid situations like this in the future.