This whole patriarchal society thing going on? Yeah, it's gotta stop

I'm a feminist.

Even if you don't know me at all, even if I'm no more than an online stranger to you, those three words are enough for you to make an opinion of me, and a negative one at that. Because I'm a feminist, suddenly I'm this man-hating woman who believes that women are better than men. But that's not the case. As a feminist, I believe that women are equal to men, not better than them. For some reason, people have a really hard time wrapping their head around that idea.

In addition, women can't seem to win in the sex game. If a female says no to sex, then she is a close-minded stuck-up prude who thinks she's too good for men. If the same woman says yes to sex, then she is a slut, a whore, and will more often than not be slut shamed. However, if a man says yes to sex, then he is praised and congratulated. Men can freely brag about their string of one-night stands without worrying about negative judgments from the rest of society. They might strike out with women looking for committed long-term relationships, but other than that, they are generally in a good spot whether or not they say yes to sex.

Too often women are taught to dress modestly, as if covering themselves up will lessen their chances of getting sexually assaulted and/or raped. If a women reveals just a little bit of cleavage or an inch of her thigh, then she is dressing provocatively and is 'just asking for it.' Because that's what every girl dreams of, to be raped for wearing clothes that make her feel and look good. Women are taught to be careful at bars, to not get too drunk because getting drunk will increase their chances of getting raped. Women are taught to act sober so that men won't take advantage of them. Women are taught not to go anywhere after dark alone because that makes them more vulnerable to sexual assault. Women are taught to take catcalls as compliments. Women are taught to walk quickly in public, especially when they're alone, to decrease chances of violence, sexual or otherwise. Women are taught to do so many things so that they won't be raped or assaulted. But what are men taught? They're just vaguely and generally taught to be good people, but there are no repercussions for not following those rules. In fact,they are often congratulated for breaking those rules. Instead of telling women how to behave in order to not get raped, why not teach the men in our society to just not rape or sexually assault a woman? Guess that would be asking for too much, wouldn't it?

Two stories recently came out in the news. One is of Alyssa Funke, who agreed to sex and accepted payment to film it and to masturbate on video as well. Since the video was made with the intention for others to watch and enjoy (and she was aware of this), it was only a matter of time before her friends and other people on the internet saw the video.She was immediately harassed and slut-shamed to death, literally. She committed suicide because that was a better solution than tolerating all the harassment and slut-shaming that the internet found appropriate. But her suicide wasn't enough. Twitter users tweeted posts celebrating her death, calling her a whore and saying that she got what she deserved. Many of these users admitted (though I think a better word would be 'boasted') that they even masturbated to her video. It was just one big joke to them, just another woman to be called a whore even though they had tortured and agonized her to the point when suicide just seemed like the best solution. How about we make a rule that says that if you enjoy a pornographic video so much that you masturbated to it, you can't call any of the people in the video bad names? If what the person/people in the video is/are doing gives you that much sexual pleasure, why do you feel that it is appropriate to shame those same people for doing what they're doing? No one deserves to die because of their sexuality. Ever.

The second story that came out recently was that of Elliot Rodgers. Son of the director of the Hunger Games movies, he couldn't get laid. Poor guy, right? No girl would sleep with him. What was wrong with these women? (If the sarcasm wasn't clear, I'm making it clear now). So, as revenge for starving him of sex, Rodgers went ahead and killed a few girls before committing suicide. But wait; there's more. Rodgers also had an entire plan written out for retribution of the women who denied him sex. He believed that the women who rejected him were stupid and selfish for rejecting such a gentleman like himself, since he is better than everyone else. After Rodgers' suicide, people didn't call him names and harass him online like they did to Alyssa Funke. Instead, people praised him and even went so far as to call him a role model. The women who rejected him were blamed for his death. They honestly believed that it was the women's fault for saying no to sex, that they could have saved his and the other girls' lives if they had just consented to sex. While Rodgers was a hero, Funke was a villain. A society that honestly believes that is one that needs a major makeover.

It's always the women's fault. Always. That's why our society today sickens me. It's completely male-dominated and treats women as second-class citizens. It victimizes women and glorifies men, regardless of their actions and behaviors. Patriarchal society, please either fix yourself or go away completely. I don't want to give birth to a daughter who will grow up and live in a society that seems to only get worse and worse for women.

I need my family right now

I'm old enough to start looking for my own place to live, but I don't think it's possible to ever outgrow the need for family, especially when you start going through some emotionally trying times.

I need my family because they are the only ones who are going to listen to me and let my problems be completely and totally mine. I need my family because I'm tired of being emotionally manipulated and abused, and I need someone (or someones) to provide relief of that horrible sinking feeling. I need my family because no matter how old I am, they will always tend to the hurt little girl that comes out sometimes during stressful situations. 

I've been going through a pretty nasty sick spell, and I'd just told my mother that I was "a bit sick, probably with the allergies" about three days ago. Yesterday, I received a phone call/voice mail from her because she was concerned about my health and wanted to know if I'd gotten any better. That's the kind of attention I need and want right now. I'm not being selfish; I refuse to see looking after my own mental and physical health as selfish. I need the kind of attention that realizes that I'm part of this world, too, and that I'm capable of suffering just like anyone else. I need the kind of attention that looks out for me the way I look out for others. I need the kind of attention that I've only gotten from my family. I miss them so much. 

I'm trying to be a big girl about it and trying to deal with it on my own. But the truth is that I can't. No one should have to go through any kind of stressing or trying situation alone. Everyone needs support 100% of the time. It's about time I go find mine.